I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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