Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
