So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they need to just BURY HIM!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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