Do vagina's smell?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
