So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
