Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
