You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
