you turned your livingroom into a bong?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
