If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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