what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
