Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
