Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
