Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
