hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
