I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
