I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
