he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
