I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
