he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
