ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
