i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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