i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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