dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
