Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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