I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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