I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
