mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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