Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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