We're facebook friends in real life
I just threw up on my dentist
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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