he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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