So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
