So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
