we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
