Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
