I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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