im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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