She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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