If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
