Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
