so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
