I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
