Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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