I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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