a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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