She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
