I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
