im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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