I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
