We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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