fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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