here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
