My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
